April

1 Corinthians 2:2
For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.
 
Philippians 1:21
For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain.
 
Gratify-to please, satisfy, indulge
Instant-immediate, imperative, urgent

     If you read my letter last month, you know that I am trying to make choices that are healthy for my body and it’s pretty hard! More importantly than my physical health, I want to pour even more energy into my spiritual health. Not just gaining more and more knowledge of God and the Bible, but actually putting into practice that knowledge and obeying God. And since this goes against my natural flesh, it’s really hard! I think you would agree. Any form of discipline and obedience only comes from saying no to what looks and feels good now so that you can say yes to what is good later. As with anything, whether it’s God, money, or food, what we want is ‘immediate gratification’. We want instant pleasure, progress, or results. Nobody likes that phrase because in some way we are all guilty of it. Again, it’s part of our flesh. Waiting for anything, no matter how small or big, is always hard. We don’t like to admit it but there are parts of us that remain childish and many times you can see this play out when we have to wait. Waiting means that you don’t get immediate gratification. If I pull up to Wal-Mart and get the first parking spot closest to the entrance, I am immediately happy. Why? Because there is no waiting. If I find a checkout line that does not have a line, and the cashier is actually waiting for me to get there, I am immediately happy. Why? Because who wants to wait?
     I think technology is a blessing and curse for our culture and with every passing generation. Yes we can accomplish much and with greater speed, but I think at the same time we feed our flesh the idea that we can get everything instantly. It’s the ‘microwave’ thinking. Instead of calling someone, we text or email because it’s faster and convenient. I am guilty of this. I’m not saying it’s wrong or a sin, but certain things are becoming a norm instead of the exception. This idea of instant is okay in some situations, but many times we don’t know how to keep it separate from people and God. There is no instant with people and definitely not with God, but we become so accustomed to this idea, that when we have to do any kind of waiting, we don’t wait well. You see this with children. Children naturally do not wait well. We are born with the ‘microwave’ instinct, but we are not supposed to live with it. But if we don’t first learn how to wait well, how do we raise a younger generation to do that? Waiting doesn’t mean not getting what you want; it means trusting God’s timing with what we desire or seek. Without waiting, my faith would not grow, my process of thinking would not mature, there would be no time to seek godly counsel, and the most importantly, there would be no fervent prayer. Cultivating prayer takes time.
     So how does eating healthy and waiting on God connect? We have to change our thinking, our mind set. Saying no or being told no does not mean we are being denied what we deserve. We haven’t done anything in our own merit to deserve or claim rights to anything in the first place. There isn’t one talent, possession, idea, or person that you get to claim as yours without first acknowledging that it’s completely a blessing from God. So let’s make sure we get this truth right before we start huffing and puffing about what we deserve and have a right to. Some of us may be more generous, more kind, more resourceful with our possessions, better spouses, better workers, but we don’t earn our rights through what we do. Those were lost in the Garden. We are better workers, spouses, etc. because of God. What we do have is a Holy God that absolutely sees our selfishness, our self-centeredness, our thoughts, our sins and still loves us so much that He decides we are worth saving. We are worth dying for and giving new life to. We have a God that knows we don’t deserve anything or shouldn’t be given any rights, but He decided on the Cross we were a people that He couldn’t help but save. So when God says no, I need to wait. I need to learn to say no with God. And following Jesus’ example, I also learn to say no to that which is not best. Holiness and instant gratification cannot co-exist. That old saying ‘Good things come to those who wait’ basically implies that you need to cultivate patience. Who I wait on is the question. Waiting on people to come through for me will leave me sorely disappointed and discouraged. The Lord however, will always come through with exactly what I need- not always what I want. While I’m waiting on God, He cultivates trust, hope, faith, and wisdom. God knows what He’s doing and there is a reason He is not a God of instant gratification. Not even Jesus escaped this truth. There was nothing instant about His life, His torture on the cross, or His death. He waited on God’s timing and plan for all good things to come together. We are reaping those good things.
     I want to say yes to God and no to anything that opposes His will including my wants and desires. He wants to bless me and use me and grow me but that only happens when I submit to Him. Part of loving God isn’t just spending time with Him but it’s spending His time wisely. Discipline is cultivated and learned. It starts by recognizing what is good for me in the long run, not just what feels good right now (or tastes good!) God wants only what is good for me according to His will. Sometimes that means He gives what I ask and sometimes it means I wait. I only want what is good for my body, but sometimes that means I have to say no to certain foods and yes to other ones. Is it really suffering when I have to wait or when I’m told no? Do I not see the good and the sovereignty behind the waiting? If it’s instant gratification that I seek, then I reject holiness. But if I choose Christ, then I choose a rich and holy life.

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men,

instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly,
righteously and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope

and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus,

who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed, and

to purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds.

Titus 2: 11-14

March

2 Timothy 2: 3-7
Join with me in suffering, like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets entangled in civilian affairs, but rather tries to please his commanding officer. Similarly, anyone who competes as an athlete does not receive the victor’s crown except by competing according to the rules. The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops. Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this.
 
John 4:34
My food,” said Jesus “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.”

Hard Work
     I am not sure I would call this my New Year’s resolution, but my goal by the end of this year is to have eaten better and exercised more. I’m taking it slow because trying to eat healthy in our society is hard work. At least it is for me and if I can add, it’s also pretty expensive. I don’t just mean eating more veggies, but trying to eat food that isn’t saturated with chemicals and things I can’t pronounce. This means I have to plan better and read labels and say no to some things. I know it doesn’t sound fun, but it’s a decision I made and I know it will pay off in the long run. I don’t tell you this because I’m bragging or trying to make you feel guilty for what you ate today. I am not a nutritionist, or a doctor, or health guru. I am simply trying to be informed and educated in certain things. Hopefully this will become a lifestyle and not just a fad for me. This also means I have to cook more instead of eating out and oh do I love to eat out! It’s just easier than cooking for one, but then again, I made a decision and I am trying to stick to it. The other half of my decision was to exercise so I reluctantly joined a gym. I say reluctantly because again it’s not cheap, but I am enjoying the classes and it gets me up and moving. So far so good. Not perfect by a long shot, but I’m doing it. I basically have to unlearn my bad eating habits and replace them with good ones. Unlearning is hard. How do I forget what I already know?
     I am realizing that I can’t just replace bad food with good food. In order for my lifestyle to change, my heart has to be in it, otherwise I would do it for a week tops and just go back to the same routine. My heart has to change and be in agreement with my head. I picked up a book that has been teaching me about eating better and it’s soaking into my heart; therefore the change I want to make is very real. No one is forcing me to do it. I am not getting paid to do it. It’s a decision I have made all on my own. I asked earlier how we forget what we already know. I don’t think we necessary forget as we do replace. We replace the bad knowledge with the good knowledge we receive. As a child I grew up eating donuts every Sunday at church and carried that tradition into adulthood. I love donuts; they are great. Not great for you, but still quite yummy. When I decided to cut down on sugar, this had to go. Trust me, I wasn’t cutting down on sugar because I wanted to, but health wise it was necessary and so I did it. Do I still crave them when I see them at church? Yes! But my knowledge of donuts as a child was that they were yummy. Period. I didn’t need to know any more. Now years later I know more. I’ve educated myself and realized that it’s not the best thing for my body and so I replace my previous knowledge of donuts with the new knowledge and have acted on that knowledge. Anyone hungry yet?
     There is a point to all this food talk. I’m not sure I’m putting as much effort every day with God as I am for my body. Remember the commandment to ‘love thy neighbor as yourself’? You know why He said that, right? It’s because we totally love ourselves and therefore will do extravagant things for ourselves. I am working my mind and body to eat right and exercise, but I have to work my mind and body and heart with God as well. I realize that I need to work even harder to keep God first. That’s hard work. Not because He makes it hard or because I don’t want to, but because I am easily distracted. Let’s be real. In our time there are more things now than ever before to keep us distracted. Satan does a very good job with this. People, books, events, phones, TV, you name it. All good things become distractions, not just the bad things. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a book or movie, but I think if we aren’t paying attention, it happens. If I’m not paying attention and being cautious of what I’m eating, I’ll eat whatever, especially when I’m tired or in a hurry. When I am tired and don’t already have a plan for eating, then I tend to revert back to old habits and eat what’s the most convenient. And yes this happens now and then, but I’d rather struggle doing what’s good for me than just giving in to my temptations. My relationship with God doesn’t need to be stagnant and routine, but I do have to cultivate it and nurture it and struggle everyday to love Him and obey Him. I would rather struggle loving and obeying Him than just give up. There’s no throwing in the towel with God. I must read the Bible, pray, serve, love, obey, witness, and sacrifice with God and for God everyday and start all over the next day. The reason it’s a struggle many times is because we are those fish going against the current—going the ‘wrong’ way. The world goes one way and we are going another way, and so it’s hard. Along the way we get side tracked and bumped and jolted. Every time we do, we start where we left off. When I don’t eat healthy, I have to start where I left off and get back on track. The point is to get back on track. It’s a two way relationship, me and God. He doesn’t get sidetracked or bumped. It’s all me, so I am the one that must make the effort. The wonderful news is that the Holy Spirit plays a huge part in this. If we let Him lead, He will always lead us to God and nowhere else.
     My desire is that my fervor and yearning for the Lord would be even more than my desire for a healthy lifestyle. My desire and my prayer is that I would hunger more for Him than for anything else in this world. More than any person, any possession, any position, or anything else I haven’t thought of yet. There are a handful of things that I desire very much, so much that sometimes they pass over God. They become idols instead of desires. I have to work hard to keep these in their place. God has to be my desire, my love, and my passion. This means that I have to speak with Him each day, learn about Him each day, love Him each day, obey Him each day, and trust Him each day. You and I may not be on the same path for what we eat, but I hope we are both struggling to serve and love the same God. Let’s struggle well together.

All hard work brings a profit,

but mere talk leads only to poverty.

Proverbs 14:23

February

Exodus 3:10-14, 4: 10-13
So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.” But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” And God said, “I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.” Moses said to God, “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what shall I tell them?” God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’”…..Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”

 Judges 6:11-18
The angel of the Lord came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?’ But now the Lord has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian.” The Lord turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?” “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.” The Lord answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive.” Gideon replied, “If now I have found favor in your eyes, give me a sign that it is really you talking to me. Please do not go away until I come back and bring my offering and set it before you.” And the Lord said, “I will wait until you return.”

In Secure in God

As I continue to learn more about the people of the Bible, I am continued to be amazed by them. Not the amazement you might think. I am not only amazed by how God used them, which is quite remarkable, but I am amazed that God still used them. He still used them after they said no, or had the wrong attitude or tried it their own way. To be honest, I can relate. Sadly, I’ve had all those reactions before. I am not always the eager beaver when God calls me to do something. Moses and Gideon were used greatly for the protection and freedom of the Israelites; however their beginnings were a little different. Moses, after 40 years of training as a shepherd, was now being called to shepherd the Israelites out of Egypt. I would say that was a big task and Moses made it very clear to God what he thought. Moses first response is that he is not someone that’s worthy for this calling. God assures him that He is with him. Moses replies back not sure how he’s to respond to the people when they question his authority. God tells him His name. Moses reveals that he lacks the ability to speak as he needs to with Pharaoh. God rebukes him and reminds him of His power. Moses comes back with a clear no. If you continue to read the passages, God becomes angry, but provides him help through his brother Aaron, and God does amazing things through them. God didn’t need Moses to be great; He needed him to be available.
     Many years later, we meet Gideon. It is the time of the Judges and there is a lot of oppression and idol worship throughout the land. God has been sending different people to ‘judge’ the Israelites and lead them not just out of sin, but also from destruction from other nations. Gideon is one of those judges. God meets him alone as He did with Moses. Notice how He addresses Gideon. He calls him mighty warrior. Now at this point Gideon has done nothing ‘warrior’ like, let alone, mighty, but God knows what Gideon’s going to do. After God is done with him, Gideon will be a mighty warrior. Gideon overlooks this point and addresses something more pertinent to him. Where is God? That’s what he wants to know. Gideon and his people are being oppressed and God seems to be gone. Where is the God that led the Israelites out of slavery and performed amazing miracles on their behalf? I might be asking the same thing given his circumstances. God doesn’t necessarily give him a direct answer, but instead tells him that Gideon himself is going to save Israel. God called Moses to save the people and now it’s Gideon that’s being called. Unlike Moses, Gideon doesn’t say no, but he does ask Him for a sign; actually a few signs. Guess what? God gave it to him. Every sign he needed, God provided. God did amazing things through Gideon and the men that fought with him. Again, God didn’t need Gideon to be mighty; He needed him to be available.
     Thank God He doesn’t need me to be great or mighty, because I am neither. After thinking about the circumstances both these men were in and what God was calling them to do, I’m not sure I can blame them for not responding with joy. They were scared, plain and simple. From their responses, it’s obvious that they felt inadequate and insecure, as they should. In themselves, they were not adequate or secure to save themselves, let alone, save the whole nation. Despite their attempt to tell God otherwise, they eventually obeyed God and discovered His power flowing through them to accomplish what, on their own, could not ever be done. God wants so much to use us and to display His greatness through us if we let Him. I have to admit that I feel inadequate and insecure more than I’d like to admit. Yet, isn’t this a great place to be? If I can respond the correct way out of my insecurity when God calls me to do something, then He can accomplish amazing things through me as He did with Moses and Gideon. From my insecurity I must learn to secure myself to Him. I believe that our insecurity serves a greater purpose than we realize. Satan would like to use this sense of helplessness to keep us from obeying God and from being used by Him. God does not allow us to feel insecure or inadequate so that we cower away from Him, but quite the opposite. He wants that out of our insecurity, out of realizing that we really are not secure in ourselves, that we would secure ourselves firmly to Him. Once Moses and Gideon got past the realization that they alone can’t do what God is asking, they secured themselves to their God. You have to read for yourselves the story of Moses and Gideon and see the mighty and amazing things that can be done when your security is latched to the One that does not need to be secure in anything. He does not change, sway, or move. He is the Rock. He is the Fortress and the Shield. I hope I realize the next time I feel insecure or feel as if I don’t measure up, that I am in a good place. I won’t measure up against others. I won’t be secure in myself. It’s a good place to let God take control.

January

Joshua 2: 1-4,8-13,17-18
Then Joshua son of Nun secretly sent two spies from Shittim. “Go, look over the land,” he said, “especially Jericho.” So they went and entered the house of a prostitute named Rahab and stayed there. The king of Jericho was told, “Look, some of the Israelites have come here tonight to spy out the land.” So the king of Jericho sent this message to Rahab: “Bring out the men who came to you and entered your house, because they have come to spy out the whole land.” But the woman had taken the two men and hidden them…Before the spies lay down for the night, she went up on the roof and said to them, “I know that the Lord has given you this land and that a great fear of you has fallen on us, so that all who live in this country are melting in fear because of you. We have heard how the Lord dried up the water of the Red Sea for you when you came out of Egypt, and what you did to Sihon and Og, the two kings of the Amorites east of the Jordan, whom you completely destroyed. When we heard of it, our hearts melted in fear and everyone’s courage failed because of you, for the Lord your God is God in heaven above and on the earth below. “Now then, please swear to me by the Lord that you will show kindness to my family, because I have shown kindness to you. Give me a sure sign that you will spare the lives of my father and mother, my brothers and sisters, and all who belong to them—and that you will save us from death.” ..Now the men had said to her, “This oath you made us swear will not be binding on us unless, when we enter the land, you have tied this scarlet cord in the window through which you let us down, and unless you have brought your father and mother, your brothers and all your family into your house.

Hebrews 11:31
By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient.

 New Creation
     How would you like to be known as ‘the harlot’? In Joshua 6, every time Rahab is mentioned, she is titled as Rahab the harlot. That title has stuck all these years because many of you know her as that. Yet she was a harlot until God did some work on her heart through some unusual ways. The two spies that were sent out went to lodge at her place because who would suspect two men staying at a harlot’s house, right? Also, her place was on the city wall which was of course easy access. These men went there strategically, but God’s providence sent them there for the salvation of a harlot. When God would be done, she would no longer be Rahab the harlot, but Rahab the saved, the redeemed, the child of God!
     We don’t know what the spies told her when they got there, but I believe that God was already working and revealing things in her life and preparing her for this very moment. Just like Ruth and Esther, she was going to have to do things she didn’t think she was ready for. Sound familiar at all? You and I also have ‘moments’ that we may think we are not ready for, but when God is at work anything is possible, even if that anything is you and me. Rahab would have to take a step of faith to help these men. I’m sure their actions proved worthy of their character. They could have treated her like a harlot, but instead, they spoke to her as a person. The words that she spoke to them on the roof are evidence that God had been speaking to her through past events and was preparing her heart for something greater than she ever knew.
     Her life and her job as she knew it was a prison. I’m certain her life felt insignificant and useless. Had she experienced real unconditional love yet, though I’m not sure, I do believe she saw God’s love through these men. She was living a lonely life that was man pleasing, but God was going to change that to an abundant life that was God pleasing! She asked to be spared from the attack, not only herself, but her whole family. She was fearful for her life and the life of those she loved, but what I love the most is that she had no clue what she was really going to be saved from. She saw only the immediate death from war, but God was going to deliver her soul from eternal death. Her name was going to be written not only in the Bible, but in the Book of Life! He used her broken heart and her fears to draw her close to Him.                                                     
     The spies had left her and the next few days would have to be endured patiently. I can only imagine her anxiety, her fears, and her wondering whether these men would really keep their promise. Would this God that she was trusting really help her? What did she tell her family, how did she explain it all? Joshua 6 explains how the walls of Jericho fell. The Israelites marched around the wall for seven days. What was Rahab thinking and feeling as she saw these men circling around and around for a week? The anticipation must have been overwhelming. Right before anything could happen, the two men came to her as they promised. They took her and her entire family and they were spared from the coming slaughter. Just like that, after days of waiting and hoping, they were delivered from the attack from the attackers themselves. Her one decision to trust God, to trust these men from God, changed the course of her life forever. She was not just spared, but we know from Matthew1 that she is in the line of Christ. Her faith was going to define her in history.
     Don’t you want to be used like Rahab was? If you’ve read my last two letters, you know I want to be used and I want to live the dream that God has planned for me. Yet in my life I am not going to be hiding spies or speaking before kings. I still want to be ready for my ‘moments’ that could make a difference in my life or better yet, in someone else’s life. I may not be like Rahab who was used in the nation of Israel, but I know that if I am ready and available, God will use me in His kingdom no matter how small the impact. I hope that this new year I can be ready and available. That I, like Rahab, can just do what I need to no matter how scared I may be. I just want to obey.
     Her small leap of faith and trust in God transformed her into a new creation. “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17). Her old life was gone and new things awaited for Rahab. She received blessings beyond her dreams. She was not merely delivered, but would have a new life. She would be a wife and mother. Only God can use sinners and transform them into saints. I can tell you that He has done that with me. He has taken this sinner, and given me a new title, saint! Only He can take something broken and make it new. When we hear the name Rahab, let us be encouraged of the new life she received from such a small amount of faith. May the new year be a renewing of our faith in God and trusting Him to turn what’s left of our old self to be transformed into something pleasing to Him. As children of God, we are new creations no matter our age or our past. Let’s prove our deliverance; let’s prove our faith; let’s prove what we believe by what we do-just like Rahab did.

You see that a man is justified by works and not by faith alone. In the same way, was not Rahab the harlot also justified by works when she received the messengers and sent them out by another way? For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead.
James 2:24-26

December

Romans 4:20-21

Yet he (Abram) did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.

Galatians 2:20

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Fight for Faith-Part two
     Last month I shared about my struggle over my emotions and my faith and that many times they collide. Yet our emotions are good. Yes they can hinder us at times from seeing clearly, but God created them out of His goodness. It is one part of the many dimensions of who we are. Anger does not always lead us to sin, anxiety does not always lead us astray, nor does sadness leave us hopeless. God uses all these emotions, the good and the bad, to transform us into His image. Do you remember I said I was reading two books? I shared one book with you, let me now share the other. After the women’s retreat and in my time of pity, I picked up “What Happens When Women Walk in Faith” by Lysa TerKeurst. I’ve read this book before, but apparently God needed to use it again in my life. Remember I returned discouraged from the retreat I attended? One of the messages of the retreat was that we are called by God to do something, to serve Him in some capacity. I feel like I have been trying to figure this out for the past few years. I opened the first chapter of that book and guess what it said? God gives every woman a dream. Really? Then what the heck is mine? This idea drove me crazy, not because I don’t believe it, but exactly the opposite. I do believe it and yet I am completely lost about my dream, let alone any dream. I was upset at God. Why would you speak about callings and dreams to me days in a row and then not provide an answer? I continued to journal and deal with the ‘undulation’ of my feelings and my faith. Last month I dealt deeper into these feelings and my faith. This month I have gotten deeper into the root of some other places.                                                                                                        
     I continued to read the book slowly and the Lord continued to speak to me through the words of the author. The author tells us that whether or not God has made our dream clear or not, He would make it known in His own time and until then there was a waiting period. Don’t you love that word, wait! Yet during the waiting period is where the pruning and growth comes. It’s during this period where He is truly growing me, exposing my heart, and revealing His. As I dived into prayer and with more questions for God, He revealed fears in my life I knew existed, but had no clue how paralyzing they were. The author spoke about two words that convicted my heart. One was surrender. Surrender is, “to yield to the power or control of another…..to abandon.”1 I was not yielding my fears to God, but allowing them to dictate how much faith I would act on and how much risk I would take with God. For the first time I realized how stationary I was because my fears did not allow me to move. At that moment of revelation, I journaled a list of my fears and seeing it on paper was most alarming yet beneficial. Not only did I have to surrender my fears to Him, but I had to abandon all. I have to abandon all my desires and all my hopes at His feet. I am still in this process of surrendering all to Him. I must abandon my own ideas and wants, so that I can be fully free to fulfill His desires and will for my life.                                                                                        
     Honor was the other word that stayed in my thoughts for awhile. The author knew that during the waiting period we have to honor Him in everything. The mundane is what was bogging me down, the everyday routine. I even made a list of that routine and it was good to see that on paper as well. This was the list that I needed to learn to put honor back into. The routine of waking up, getting ready, going to work, driving back, going to bed, and so on and so forth. You get me, right? Somehow I needed to honor our amazing God in all these acts. Of course I already know this and if you asked me about it, I would say, yes, we honor God in everything, from the rising of the sun to its going down, but somewhere in the rising of the sun and going to sleep, I lost purpose and focus. I have to be able to honor God in the ordinary parts of life, so that when He asks me to honor Him in the extraordinary, I can do it with confidence.                                                                                                                                     
     I have to be honest, from last month to this month, nothing extraordinary has happened or changed. God didn’t part the clouds and give me a message, yet the work of the Spirit in my heart has been extraordinary. Having to truly surrender my fears has been hard and yet freeing. Surrendering means actually exposing that which I’ve been holding onto and letting it go. But there’s no room for pity because as I’m surrendering I’m honoring God and it’s a process, a cycle if you will, that I must go through every day until it becomes part of my life. Remember the law of Undulation? The ups and downs of our hearts, our desires, and our interests are all part of the process. At the end, we still choose how we will act even if how we feel has failed us. In “The Screwtape Letters”, the uncle demon, Screwtape, explains to his nephew something that not only convicted me, but burned in me to be this kind of human. Remember that the Enemy in this book is God. I leave you with his words:

“Our cause is never more in danger than when a human,

no longer desiring but still intending, to do our Enemy’s will,

looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished,

and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.”2

1. “surrender” online dictionary, 2010
     http://www.dictionary.com/
2. Lewis, CS The Screwtape Letters. City, State. HarperCollins Publishers. 1942.

November

Jeremiah 17: 7-10
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord And whose trust is the Lord. "For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit. "The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it? I, the Lord, search the heart I test the mind..”

1 Samuel 16:7
“…..The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (In reference to finding a king for Israel)
Fight for Faith-Part One
     I have to confess that right now in my life I am becoming more and more aware of how my faith and my emotions seem to always be on opposite sides and it is disheartening. My faith maybe strong in hard times, but many times my emotions don’t match my faith. Anyone else find themselves in the same situation? Is this what it means sometimes when your flesh and Spirit are at war? If I acted completely out of my faith instead of my emotions or feelings, I believe I could be a valuable instrument to the Lord. I am currently reading two books and God is speaking the same kind of message through both of them. He has a specific way He wants to use me and when He wants to use me and when I forget this and get caught up with doubt and pity, I must push through. My faith must press through my emotions to see God’s goodness. The Screwtape Letters is a scary book to me. CS Lewis, the author, has an uncanny way of showing us in the raw how we can get side tracked from pursuing God. The chapter that God really brought to my attention was on the law of Undulation. Undulation is a rising and falling in waves. Essentially this means that something, let’s say our feelings, go up and down constantly. This would describe me accurately. I hate to admit it, I’d like to say that I am constant in my feelings or my passions or interests, but rather I am constant in changing them. This chapter was important to me because after recently attending my church’s women’s retreat, I came away not encouraged, but rather questioning my purpose and my service to God and to the church. I came away feeling insignificant and useless. This was of course not the intended purpose of the retreat, but God uses what He needs to use to get me to see what I need to see. I admit that for a day I dwelled in self pity and wondered why God wouldn’t do something great in my life and if He did, would I first have to go through some tragedy for it to happen. When I pulled through the self pity, I immersed myself in prayer and journaling. These are always my comforts and way of ‘venting’ to God. I am always amazed how much God reveals to me when I am raw before Him.
     So let’s return to why the law of Undulation is so important to me. It gave me a real name to my ‘rising and falling’. CS Lewis describes it as “..thier bodies, passions, and imaginations are in continual change, for to be in time means to change. Their nearest approach to constancy, therefore, is undulation-the repeated return to a level from which they repeatedly fall back, a series of troughs and peaks.”1 Troughs and peaks, that is how I feel. Sometimes I am secure, satisfied with the day, relationships are great and yet the next day I am not feeling pretty and that hinders a good attitude and nothing feels right. I hope some of you are nodding in agreement with me because you also have been there and done that. Oh to my relief I felt that someone could actually explain really well why the ups and downs. God explains this in Luke 6:45 that the heart is deceitful, who can cure it? Yet out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. There is deceit in the heart and yet we are told that we are to hide God’s word in the heart according to Psalm 119:11. This is why David pleads for a clean heart in Psalm 51:10. Clean from sin, from doubt, from anxieties and fear. In the Jeremiah passage in the beginning we see that a man is like a tree planted by streams of water. Pay attention to the emotions that are mentioned, fear and anxiety. It says that blessed is the man who trusts the Lord hence when I trust the Lord I will not fear and be anxious. I think you would agree that it is easier said than done, right? Fear, anxiety, anger, and other emotions come upon us quickly in situations, but it’s when they are upon us that we have to remember who we trust so that our faith will push through them.
     Undulation-I have to admit I had never heard of the word until I read it in the book-but it has become my new favorite word. Through the rising and the falling, through the troughs and peaks, my faith must always push and press through whatever emotions and doubts are hindering me from seeing God’s hand right now. My feelings don’t always match my faith, and I admit that my feelings many times dictate my decisions. But it’s really my faith, what I believe and know to be solid truth, that must guide what I do and what I decide. I must fight for my faith despite my own feelings. The struggle of the Spirit and the flesh is very real and I have to deal with it every single day. But I am not alone. The Lord has equipped me with the Holy Spirit and with His scriptures. It is why His word needs to be hidden in our hearts. His word is a weapon and we can’t use what we don’t have. Let us not be complacent with our struggle. Routines and the hustle of everyday cannot allow us to forget that we are being sanctified through the work of the Spirit to resemble God more and more each day. Part of the process is submitting our emotions to the Lord and letting Him use that to increase our faith. My quickness to anger, to fear, to doubt, and to hurt humble me. I am in need of God’s grace and His power every moment. I need to be mindful of my ever changing heart and even though my heart may waver, my trust must be sure and steady in the God who is unchanging.

I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
Psalm 119:10-11

1. Lewis, CS The Screwtape Letters. City, State. HarperCollins Publishers. 1942.

October

Matthew 16:13-16
When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "Who do people say the Son of Man is?" They replied, "Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets." "But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?" Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”
 
Colossians 1:15-18
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. He is also head of the body, the church; and He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that He Himself will come to have first place in everything.

Who is Christ?
     How do you answer that question? Who is Christ? Is He God or the son of the God? Is He love or the giver of love? Is He a Savior or Destroyer of sin? Who is Christ? I am reading through Colossians and discovered a great insert that the Thomas Nelson publishing company added in the introduction. After reading this, I just marveled at His names and the power behind them. I want to share a portion of it with you and hope you are encouraged and challenged.
     “He is the only Mediator between God and man; He is the Sun that enlightens; the Physician that heals; the Wall of Fire that defends; the Friend that comforts; the Pearl that enriches; the Ark that supports; and the Rock to sustain under the heaviest of pressures; He is seated at the right hand of the throne of the Majesty on high (Heb.1:3;8:1); He is better than the angels (Heb.1:4-14); better than Moses; better than Aaron; better than Joshua; better than Melchizedek; better than all the prophets; greater than Satan (Lk.4:1-12); and stronger than death (1Co 15:55)…He is the Lord of Hosts, the Redeemer-the Holy One of Israel, the God of the whole earth (Is. 54:5); He is the Man of Sorrows (Is.53:3); He is the Light; He is the Son of Man (Mt.20:28); He is the Vine; He is the Bread of Life; He is the Door; He is the Lord (Php. 2:10-13); He is Prophet, Priest and King (Heb. 1:1-3); He is our Sabbath rest (Heb.4:9); He is our Righteousness (Jer. 23:6); He is the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace (Is. 9:6); He is the Chief Shepherd (1 Pet 5:4); He is Lord God of hosts; He is Lord of the nations; He is the Lion of Judah; the Living Word; the Rock of Salvation; the Eternal Spirit; He is the Ancient of Days; Creator and Comforter; Messiah; and He is the great I AM (Jn. 8:58).”1
     How amazing is our God that He can be all things and the One thing you and I need. Jesus asked an important question in the book of Matthew. Who do people say I am? Many thought He was someone else like Elijah or John the Baptist. Then He makes the question more personal. Who do you say I am? He is asking us that as well. Who is Christ? Better yet, does your answer align with your actions? Can you prove what Christ is to you by how you act and what you do? If He is your Comforter, then do you seek Him when you are in pain? If He is your Healer, do you rely on Him for being restored? Does your faith, your actions prove He is what He is? When you are scared, He is your Shield. When you are happy, He is your joy. When you are confused, He is your Wisdom. When you are hurt, He is your Healer. He is your Champion, your Warrior, the Lover of your soul. Peter answered correctly when he said ‘you are Christ, the Son of the Living God.’ He is Christ, but is He your Christ, your Living God? Have you chosen Him as your Christ?


1 MacArthur, John. (2006). The Macarthur Study Bible. La Habra, CA: Thomas Nelson Publishers.